Loop Hole Diving
by M42
Summary: Yeah, never, ever, EVER watch Pirates while playing Harvest Moon and having a sketchbook. Fun self insert!
1. Stow Aways

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, although I may claim that Jack and or Will are my bitches. :P A/N: BWAHAHAAHAHA!!! My first Pirates fic. I have decided that it is my job to make a fanfic of EVERY ONE of my obsessions!!! This one actually HAS a storyline *gasp!* I know, I know *bow, bow.* By the way, this is my first storyline that I am really proud of, so if any of you steal it, I'll shoot you. In the head. Kay kay, bai bai and on to the story!  
  
Chapter 1, Stow Aways  
  
The two girls watched the ship intently. 'Silent as the grave,' they thought together. The ship had white sails and was looking fairly beaten and battered.  
Both girls were about the same height with the same dark blonde hair, one had shoulder length, the other fairly long. The one with the longer hair, Lisa, had on a bandanna. Her hair was braided tightly at her neck. She wore dark black eyeliner, breeches, and a brown vest over a black shirt. Her pants were cuffed at the calves, close to the knee. Her boots were supple black leather, the tops folded down. She wore a sword at her side.  
The other girl, Angela, was dressed similarly. She wore green pants in much the same style as her best friend. Her vest and shirt were brown and her belt was nothing more than a leather strap knotted around her waist. She had on brown leather lace-up boots; the rawhide cords were bowed at her shins. Her hair and bangs were in several braids. She rubbed her eye and looked down at the black streak on her hand. She pouted and Lisa sighed.  
"Baka," she whispered. Angela whined, moving her eye patch over to cover the smeared eyeliner and mascara. Lisa rolled her eyes. "Now hush or he'll hear us!" Lisa whispered.  
"Why don't I get a sword?" Angela whined quietly.  
"Shush! Here he comes!" Angela nodded quietly and the two girls made their way to the side of the ship. They threw their ropes up on the side; felt the metal hooks catch on something and climbed their way up. Once on the deck, they tossed the ropes into the water. They jumped down below just as a man stepped onto the boat from the dock. Without looking up, they knew that it was Captain Jack Sparrow, the man they had come to find.  
He was tall with long black dreadlocks. His beard was in two separate braids and he wore a bandanna under a worn black hat. He had on eyeliner as well. His mustache curled at the ends and on his hands wore fingerless gloves. There was a pistol tucked inside his belt. He had on black pants and a black vest over a white shirt.  
"Sorry mates," he called (slurring a bit) back to the group on shore. "This is one of the trips I need to take alone." He waved to them, then casted off.  
"Sekushii desu ne...?" Angela whispered, her eyes sparkling.  
"Sou desu ne..." Lisa replied in a hushed voice. Both girls were nearly drooling.  
  
End Chapter One  
  
A/N: So what do you think? ^_^ Yes, I know, another self-insert. Do you people even like these? Oh well, too bad, Lisa and I do so nyah! The chapters are short, but that doesn't mean anything. ^_^ I suck at typing things up, you guys know that! I have decided to add a bloopers section to this one. Lisa gave me the idea by doing so in one of her stories ^_^.  
  
Bloopers  
  
"Shush! Here he comes!" Angela nodded and the two girls watched Captain Jack Sparrow walk onto the deck of his ship. They quietly made their way to the side of the ship and threw their ropes up on the side. They felt the metal hooks catch on something and gave a hard jerk to lodge the metal hooks into what they had caught.  
***Censored For Younger Readers***  
"Wai! Sorry Jack!" Angela yelled. She and Lisa went around the other way to see their pirate idol sprawled on the deck of the ship, two grappling hooks around his ankles. 


	2. Rescue

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, although I may claim that Jack and or Will are my bitches. :P A/N: Yay! I'm sure you guys like it when I post a bunch of chappys in a link like this because I don't update so often. Okay, so hardly ever... Don't hurt me! Anywho, the story continues!  
  
Chapter 2, Rescue  
  
"Angela?" Lisa whispered. She looked over to see her friend. Sleeping. Lisa sweatdropped. "Angela, come on!" she whispered, more urgently. There was still no response, so Lisa poked Angela, causing her to spring up and yelp. Lisa's eyes widened and she clapped her hand over Angela's mouth.  
Angela whimpered, pulling away from Lisa so she could speak. "What's going on? I was having a good dream about Hotohori and Remy and my harem and-"  
"Shut up!" Lisa demanded. "You can tell me about it later, but right now we have to get out of this little cubby hole. My legs are falling asleep."  
"Yay!" Angela exclaimed happily, and then stopped looking over to the sleeping captain of the vessel. "Oh, we should be quiet," she whispered to Lisa. "Shhhh."  
Lisa sweatdropped again. "Come on, he's drank enough rum to intoxicate all the fish in the ocean." She stood up out of their hiding place and Angela followed. She stretched, but the ship gave a lurch as they went over a big wave, causing her to topple over the side of the boat and splash into the churning sea below.  
"Huh-? Wha-?" Jack leaped up, the bottle of rum dropping from his hand and crashing on the deck of the ship. He looked down, cursing angrily. He gazed at the shattered glass sadly and then smiled, lifting up another bottle of rum from next to the seat. "Always carry a backup," he slurred.  
"Help!" Angela screamed. The pirate looked overboard and his eyes widened. He staggered over to the ropes and grabbed one holding it while looking over the edge again.  
"How'd you get down there, love? S'the middle o' the bloody ocean."  
"HELP her!" Lisa yelled. The drunken man shrugged and tossed the rope overboard and Angela climbed up. She grabbed onto the side and climbed back on deck, cold, wet and spluttering. "Are you OKAY?" Lisa asked.  
Angela looked a little confused and a bit of a mess. Her hair was stuck to her face and her eyeliner and other makeup was running down her face in black rivulets. She stood up strait, squared her shoulders, and pointed at Jack. "Filthy pirate!" she said boldly. The man blinked in confusion. Angela took off the eyepatch with her other hand. "We're commandeering your ship!" Lisa sighed. "And don't even think of saying 'parlay'!"  
"Why would I? 'S'my ship. I'm Captain."  
Angela blinked, looking at Lisa as if for help. Finding none, her arm dropped to her side and she looked sad.  
"We're not commandeering the ship, you moron!" said Lisa.  
"We're not?" Angie asked, confused and a little disappointed.  
"No we're not."  
"But I want a ship!" Angela whined.  
"Well go buy one, then!"  
"No, I want the Black Pearl!"  
  
"Baka!"  
"Nuh uh! Fune ga hoshii!" Angie yelled.  
"Maybe I've had a bit too much to drink..." mumbled Jack as the girls continued to argue in Japanese. "Or maybe not enough..." His thoughts were interrupted by a yelp, quickly followed by a screech. He turned quickly, his gun at the ready.  
"You know I don't like being glomped!" yelled Lisa.  
"There's no land!!" Angela whined, still holding onto her somewhat annoyed friend. She was near tears.  
"We've been through this, Angela. Just because you can't see the land doesn't mean that it's no there! And let GO of me!"  
Angela whimpered, relinquishing her hold on her friend. She looked to the pirate for confirmation.  
He nodded. "She's right, mate. World's boon round since I can remember," Jack slurred. Angela still whimpered. "Now, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here if not commandeering?" He gained no answer. "What would two lovely young ladies as yourselves be doing on my ship dressed as boys?"  
"We're not dressed like boys!" Lisa insisted.  
"We're pirates!" said Angela happily.  
Jack blinked. "You are not pirates," he decided aloud.  
"Yes-HUH!" said Angela. "See?" she put on her soggy eye patch.  
"Wouldya take that thing off already?" demanded Lisa. Angela pouted, taking if off again.  
"So what are you two doing here?"  
  
End Chapter Two  
  
A/N: Ta da! Chapter 2! Okay, yeah, storyline next chapter I promise! Hope you like the bloopers :P  
  
Bloopers  
  
"There's no land!!" Angela whined, still holding onto her somewhat annoyed friend. She was near tears.  
"We've been through this, Angela. Just because you can't see the land doesn't mean that it's no there! And let GO of me!"  
Angela whimpered, relinquishing her hold on her friend. She looked to the pirate, and then ran at him, glomping him as well. They both sailed overboard.  
Lisa went to the side of the boat and looked down at them. "Oh, don't expect ME to help you two. I knew I should have brought my camera." 


	3. Convincing

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, although I may claim that Jack and or Will are my bitches. :P A/N: Yay! I'm sure you guys like it when I post a bunch of chappys in a link like this because I don't update so often. Okay, so hardly ever... Don't hurt me! Anywho, the story continues!  
  
Chapter 3, Convincing  
  
"We're here to help!" said Angela happily. She held up her hand with a V for victory sign. Jack simply stared in confusion.  
"It's complicated..." said Lisa.  
"So you're here to help me on a mission that you know nothing about?" asked Jack skeptically.  
"No, silly, we're here to help you find Bill!" said Angela.  
"Yes, I was on my way to go get the boy. But then I was going to-"  
"Not that Bill! Bootstrap Bill!" said Angela.  
"How do you know...?" asked Jack, dumbstruck.  
"You see," explained Lisa, "in our world, your story is just a movie. However, Angela and I found a loophole in the story and-"  
"And then, poof! We were here!" said Angela.  
"Loophole...?" asked Jack.  
"Yup!" exclaimed Angela. "There's a zombie on the ocean floor!"  
"There was a zombie on the ocean floor," Lisa corrected.  
"What kind of rum do you two drink?" asked Jack.  
"You know about the curse and all and how it took years for it to end," Lisa continued, ignoring Jack. "Well, they threw Bootstrap overboard before they found out about the curse. But he would have still been cursed, understand?"  
"That means he'd be a zombie!" Angela said, grinning.  
"Yup! But he had all those years to escape and swim to shore, right?"  
"So we're here to help you find and reunite him with Will!" Angela seemed proud of herself, but Jack just looked confused.  
"You know, I believe I need some more to drink," he said plainly.  
"Ooh! I wanna juice please!"  
"I think he means rum, Angela."  
"Ewe!"  
"Ladies, suppose you're right. Suppose Bootstrap Bill Turner was on the bottom of the ocean, escaped, and now roams the mainland in search of his son. Where's the first place we'd look for him?"  
"How about the island with Will and that Swan lady?" asked Angela.  
"Not likely," said Lisa. "He'd have found Will by now if they were on the same island."  
"We've got the whole bloody ocean to look through!" exclaimed Jack.  
"Always in the last place ya look," said Angela, giggling. Lisa and Jack glared at her and she pouted.  
"Well, we still have to go to the island anyway to get Will," said Lisa.  
"Wait just a minute-"  
"Yup!" said Angela, grinning. Lisa raised an eyebrow and Angela squeaked, blushing.  
"Anyway..." said Lisa, turning to Jack. "You have to be the captain because we don't know how to drive the ship."  
"I already am captain!" Jack insisted.  
"I do so know how to drive a boat! Dad lets me drive his at home." Angela pouted.  
"You know how to drive this kind of boat?" Lisa asked skeptically. Angela looked up at the big wooden wheel.  
"Well..."  
"SHIP," insisted Jack. "It's a SHIP, not a boat." Angela and Lisa both looked at Jack. "And this is my ship! I will be captaining my ship!" Jack sounded desperate. It wasn't easy to deal with two women on his ship, especially when he was the only other person on board. In fact, if he had known that these two women were particularly psychotic and from another world, he may have jumped over the edge of the boat, ahem, ship, right then and there. "I need to go to Tortuga for a while..."  
"Right!" said Angela, "but first to get Will!" Lisa fixed her with an odd look again and her face darkened a few shades. Jack didn't catch it as he walked over to the wheel and turned toward Will's Island.  
  
End Chapter Three  
  
A/N: W00T! Chapter 3! Aren't you proud of me? I actually have a storyline! Okay, yeah, does anyone know the name of the island that Will lives on? Stay tuned for the latest installment!  
  
Bloopers: "You see," explained Lisa, "in our world, your story is just a movie. However, Angela and I found a loophole in the story and-"  
"And then, poof! We were here!" said Angela.  
*Bamf*  
"VHY do you people alvays say 'poof?' Eet ees not 'poof,' it is Bamf!"  
"DEFINITELY more rum...." 


End file.
